


Serenity

by Miri Cleo (miri_cleo)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Ghost Sex, Leia Organa Needs a Hug, May the Force Be With You, POV Leia Organa, Star Wars: The Last Jedi References, The Force Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 20:10:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21325975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miri_cleo/pseuds/Miri%20Cleo
Summary: She had been here before--battered but not broken, running and always running.
Relationships: Amilyn Holdo/Leia Organa
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23
Collections: Femslash Exchange 2019





	Serenity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saiditallbefore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saiditallbefore/gifts).

_Death, yet the Force._

Leia knew the words; she had used them more than once. But a mantra was little comfort in the cold recesses of space. She had been here before--battered but not broken, running and always running. It would have been easy to let herself drift into that endless vacuum, to become one with the Force, but it wasn't her time. There was always _more_ the universe asked of her, even when it had taken so much away. 

The _Falcon_ had scarce room for privacy, and it wasn't her position that afforded her this small space of her own. It was that she knew this ship. Even after so many years, it was still home, not always safe but reliable nonetheless. There were nooks and crannies that were forever inaccessible to her aging body now, but this little room would do for quiet contemplation. It would do for her anger and grief. Whenever they got where they were going, and there was always somewhere, those things needed to join the other scars upon Leia's soul, painful still but a part of her that could inform her decisions without clouding them. 

Even with her eyes closed, Leia could sense a change in the air, a subtle shift in the Force that told her she was not alone even when she was the only one in the room. But she resisted opening her eyes. What more could she endure? She saw her entire adulthood laid out before her, a study of mind over matter, action over grief. Leia was tired. 

Perhaps it was sleep or perhaps it was a meditative state--both had been hard to come by of late--but Leia felt herself drifting. She let her mind make what plans it could, knowing that her thoughts would not slot together to form a complete picture until they found somewhere to rest for a while. And her spirit roamed, touching on her strongest memories. Ben's first cry. The swell of her belly. Han's knowing smirk. The sudden shift in the Force just before her father's death. Amilyn Holdo's piercing eyes. Luke's smile. She willed them into her mind, acknowledging their dark and painful counterparts but not focusing on that. 

"Caught you sleeping, General Organa."

Leia did not open her eyes, but her lips curled up into a smile. Even if this were a dream, it was pleasant through its sting. But she could feel the Force. She knew this was no dream. 

"Never." She opened her eyes to the still forming image of Amilyn Holdo, hands clasped in front of her and smiling with that mischievous, closed lip smile Leia had come to know so well. "Couldn't stay away?"

"You willed me here." She opened her arms, as if revealing herself. "The Force has always been with you."

And had she always used it so selfishly, out of such unconscious and base needs? Liea knew that danger, and yet, she could acknowledge her heritage. She had made peace with the pull of Light and Dark in a way Luke never could. Even now, even after everything, that ever present tug of the Force's duality was a comfort, a reminder that it would always be there. 

"It's always been hard letting you go."

"You've never been one to shy away from difficult choices." Amilyn's laugh was like starlight, distant but bright. 

"Maybe." 

Leia looked at her hands. It surprised her when she felt Amilyn sit beside her, hand slipping over Leia's own. There was weight to Amilyn's hand, pressure from her fingertips when Leia twined hers with them. She looked up, into her former lover's eyes. The depth of Leia's pride and overwhelming grief in the moment she watched the _Raddus_ rip the flagship apart in a brilliance of light and silence had manifested in this connection. And Leia was grateful for her own selfishness now as she touched Amilyn's face gently. 

"You just had to sacrifice yourself," she murmured. 

Amilyn smiled that little smile again and leaned into the touch. "_You_ had to go on."

Leia unlaced their fingers and held Amilyn's face now with both hands as she felt tears brim in her eyes. They were tears she did not shed. Here was not the bright and unconventional girl Leia had once known and loved deeply. Here was Amilyn Holdo, composed and resolved. Leia's youthful desire for Amilyn had burned brightly, too brightly. It was Amilyn who cooled her, soothed her, who allowed her to open her heart past lust and even love--to a lifelong bond. 

As they kissed, Leia could feel the pull of the Force between them as Amilyn grew more substantial. Leia could taste her lips, smell the salt of sweat on her skin underneath a hint of tart perfume. She kissed her deeply, as if drawing in Amilyn's strength. When they broke apart, they stayed close, staring into each other's eyes. And when they began to undress each other, they took their time. 

Leia had known Amilyn's body as well as her own when they were young. The grace of youthful curves had given way to creased and dimpled skin, and Leia loved every inch of Amilyn more for it. Their bodies spoke of age, of strength and hardship and lessons they had each learned the hard way. 

"Look at you," Amilyn said softly with that playful lilt to her voice that had teased Leia so many years before. She tugged the carefully placed pins from Leia's hair and let it tumble down. Then she held her at arm's length. "The stars always showed great things for you."

"Which stars?" Leia took Amilyn's hands and kissed her palms in turn before pulling her close.

"All of them."

They made love with the restrained pleasure of the grieving. Leia cupped Amilyn's breasts--still small but now soft and giving--in her hands, memorizing the way they felt. She savored Amilyn's sharp taste, letting it coat her mouth and breathing it in as she licked her to climax. And she did not close her eyes once. Leia couldn't. She kept her eyes on Amilyn's face, on her luminous, starspun eyes as Amilyn pushed her fingers inside of her. 

Leia held her own pleasure at arm's length, drawing it out, attenuating the moment until she could wait no longer. With Amilyn's longer fingers curling inside of her, thumb on her clit, Leia let herself go, eyes wide. As her orgasm broke, so the connection began to dissipate. She knew she had bent the Force to her own will for long enough. 

They held each other's hands as Amilyn slowly started to fade away. That quiet smile stayed on her face, and she did not have to speak. Her eyes told Leia to go on, to take her scars and lock away her grief. Because the Force, and all those who had returned to it, was in her. She closed her eyes, then she was alone again. She was at peace, for a little while at least. 

_Passion, yet serenity._

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to Glassesofjustice for beta work on this.


End file.
